An excerpt from one of the best posts on marriage, intimacy, shame, guilt, law, grace and gospel I have ever read:
Romans chapter seven gives an illustration from marriage. It alludes to two husbands—the law and the gospel.
The first husband was demanding. He had an unending list of requirements for his wife, but she could never meet them. Nothing was good enough for him. He was never satisfied. He motivated her with shame and fear. She was ugly and unworthy. He was righteous and angry. He required her to not only fulfill her duties perfectly, but to do them with pure motives. She was required to lay herself naked and open, body and soul to his demands. She did so because she had to, but she resented every minute of it. She couldn’t leave him or she would be an adulteress, and wretched in everyone’s eyes, rather than just his. Her only hope for release was for one of them to die. And what do you know? It happened. She re-married.
The second husband was kind and self-sacrificing. He had the same list of requirements for his wife but because he knew she could never meet them, he met them for her. She was accepted by him at their betrothal and he reminded her every day after, that she was his. She ran to him for protection from abusive men and he defended her. There was nothing she could do to earn his affection but he gave it freely. He wooed her away from her fears and she trusted him. He gave her clothes to wear that made her beautiful for their wedding day (Revelation 19:7-8) and he desired her. He promised to meet every need she had and to never forsake her. His love for her was not conditioned upon her performance.
It’s long but it’s good and I recommend every husband and wife read it and reflect.